Fordham Miller Fare

please stand by. we are experiencing technical difficulties...

on the few occasions i have tried to run over to the computer and file a quick post, i am envariably dogged by technological mayhem.  internet too slow, computer hung up on memory hogging virus detection software, or the computer just plain crashes.

anyway, where was i?  oh yes.  lice.  the post below was written in early march.  i managed to resolve the bug problem with my own head in two easy treatments, but inexplicably madeleine's remains a constant battle.  i simply can not understand the tenacity of these creatures.  no matter what i do, they come back, after weeks of checking and seeing absolutely nothing.  here's what i have NOT done:  i have not tried mayonnaise; i have not tried olive oil; i have not tried the electronic Robi Comb; i have not tried combing through her entire head every single day of the week, which by the way takes an hour at a minimum, and washing her sheets every day, and cleaning the entire house every day, and getting rid of all hairbrushes and headbands and hats and all whatnot.  i HAVE tried Rid, cetaphil (the Rid plus cetaphil combination worked on Morgan), Resultz (which cured me), and just plain combing on an every two to three days schedule.  i clearly will NEVER get rid of them, so i might as well just get used to it!  i'm going to try next the "Head Lice to Dead Lice" program, which involves olive oil, and is meant for 'persistent infestations.'  and i promise not to bore you with any of the details anymore.  ugh, on top of everything is the tediousness of it all!

head lice. they're not just for kids anymore.

that's right.  after getting ready to declare madeleine yet again free of the creepy crawlies (ha!), i came down with them myself.

the good news?  that after the third go around, i purchase a product called Resultz i found on the internet.  it has been approved in Canada, but not here, but was easily (although somewhat expensively) purchased through the internet.  i used it most recently to treat madeleine, and was delighted with the fact that (1) it is not a neurtoxin, and one needn't call poison control should it get into one's eyes, and (2) it does not require the massively labor intensive approach of the cetaphil program.  the active ingredient is apparently found in everyday cosmetics, including lipstick, which can either make you say, 'a delousing agent?  in my lipstick?' or 'thank god there's something you can just pour on your head and wash off without major risk of chemical exposure.

i won't bore you with the details - oh, okay i will.  it works by dissolving the waxy coating on the lice, thereby dehydrating them.  think of it as a kind of citrasolve for the insect world.  saturate the hair from roots to tip, wait ten minutes, and shampoo out.  it is a pretty oily substance, so my experience has taught me that at least two if not three shampoos in a row are necessary to get the hair really clean again.

my googling shenanigans have earned me enough of a reputation that i ended up selling a bottle of the beloved lotion to a friend in the late evening hours.  thankfully i thought to re-order - just in case.  here's hoping this stuff does the trick.  if not, i'll be emulating twiggy for my next haircut.

threat levels

biocontaminants: code yellow.

pestilent life forms: code orange.

chemical hazards: code green.

upon entering the domicile, please report any sore throat symptoms to the nurse on duty, reporting any allergies to medication, especially antibiotics, at that time.  kindly hand over your toothpaste, toothbrush, and dental floss, as well as any other dental appliances.  these shall be returned to you after a run through the sanitization cycle, but only on an as needed basis.  abandoned dental aids will be triple-bagged and sent to the incinerator.

please report any itching of the scalp to the nurse on duty.  surrender any hairbrushes, combs, headbands, pony tail holders, and stuffed animals.  these will be subject to appropriate sanitization procedures, and returned on an as needed basis.  hair checks will be conducted on an erractic enough schedule to ensure the survival of at least one reproducing adult.  therefore, please be prepared to repeat this process in 6-8 weeks.

there are currently no active chemical hazards, so you are free to enter and depart rooms as you please.  however, in the event of an unanticipated release of mercury, you will be asked to vacate the premises immediately until proper mercury cleanup protocol can be accomplished.

your patience is appreciated.