Fordham Miller Fare

message in a bottle?

this morning, i discovered my email had been hacked.  someone had actually obtained my password, and sent out a message to everyone in my address book (and if you use gmail, you know i mean EVERYONE) advertising an apparently oddly legitimate wholesale electronics website.  luckily it happened when i was at my computer, so i was able to send out an apology to my entire address book just minutes later.

what a drag, thought i.  i changed all the appropriate passwords and security questions (oh, those damn security questions.  does anybody who is over the age of 5 really have a favorite color?  that doesn't change?  even today, i forgot my passoword to typepad, and couldn't remember how i had TYPED the answer to my security question.  augh!).  creepy.  i hoped nothing else ill would come of it.

and then the nice thing happened.  all these people that i love responded to my email.  people i haven't talked to for...in some cases, years!  i'm not sure what the metaphor is....echo?  feedback loop?  maybe a boomerang, that you thought was just a frisbee.  now, to return a few of those emails....

please stand by. we are experiencing technical difficulties...

on the few occasions i have tried to run over to the computer and file a quick post, i am envariably dogged by technological mayhem.  internet too slow, computer hung up on memory hogging virus detection software, or the computer just plain crashes.

anyway, where was i?  oh yes.  lice.  the post below was written in early march.  i managed to resolve the bug problem with my own head in two easy treatments, but inexplicably madeleine's remains a constant battle.  i simply can not understand the tenacity of these creatures.  no matter what i do, they come back, after weeks of checking and seeing absolutely nothing.  here's what i have NOT done:  i have not tried mayonnaise; i have not tried olive oil; i have not tried the electronic Robi Comb; i have not tried combing through her entire head every single day of the week, which by the way takes an hour at a minimum, and washing her sheets every day, and cleaning the entire house every day, and getting rid of all hairbrushes and headbands and hats and all whatnot.  i HAVE tried Rid, cetaphil (the Rid plus cetaphil combination worked on Morgan), Resultz (which cured me), and just plain combing on an every two to three days schedule.  i clearly will NEVER get rid of them, so i might as well just get used to it!  i'm going to try next the "Head Lice to Dead Lice" program, which involves olive oil, and is meant for 'persistent infestations.'  and i promise not to bore you with any of the details anymore.  ugh, on top of everything is the tediousness of it all!

head lice. they're not just for kids anymore.

that's right.  after getting ready to declare madeleine yet again free of the creepy crawlies (ha!), i came down with them myself.

the good news?  that after the third go around, i purchase a product called Resultz i found on the internet.  it has been approved in Canada, but not here, but was easily (although somewhat expensively) purchased through the internet.  i used it most recently to treat madeleine, and was delighted with the fact that (1) it is not a neurtoxin, and one needn't call poison control should it get into one's eyes, and (2) it does not require the massively labor intensive approach of the cetaphil program.  the active ingredient is apparently found in everyday cosmetics, including lipstick, which can either make you say, 'a delousing agent?  in my lipstick?' or 'thank god there's something you can just pour on your head and wash off without major risk of chemical exposure.

i won't bore you with the details - oh, okay i will.  it works by dissolving the waxy coating on the lice, thereby dehydrating them.  think of it as a kind of citrasolve for the insect world.  saturate the hair from roots to tip, wait ten minutes, and shampoo out.  it is a pretty oily substance, so my experience has taught me that at least two if not three shampoos in a row are necessary to get the hair really clean again.

my googling shenanigans have earned me enough of a reputation that i ended up selling a bottle of the beloved lotion to a friend in the late evening hours.  thankfully i thought to re-order - just in case.  here's hoping this stuff does the trick.  if not, i'll be emulating twiggy for my next haircut.

job - that's a long 'o'

surely the field of psychology (or perhaps the war college) has information on roughly how many times you can ask someone to do something without them ever doing it before you actually go crazy.

sad

earlier in the year, madeleine struck up a new friendship with a boy in her class.  classroom crushes are nothing new to madeleine.  she has had one about every year she's been in school.  in kindergarten, her crush led to wild disappointment when the young gentleman in question settled in enough to take up with the boys and leave her in the dust.  all summer when we encountered this boy, bill coached madeleine on the art of 'playing it cool.'  it worked, and in no time she was a pro at handling rejection.

this time, when things came to an end, it was not madeleine but i that was crushed.  she and this boy had been such sweet and smitten friends, it was somewhat astonishing to witness.  (i also especially appreciated the fact that their playdates were not fraught with the hysteria and tantrums that are so often a part of her playdates with girls.) i was sure that this would send her on her way to a solid understanding of what a healthy loving relationship is. i mean, she is only 9, and of course it was only a puppy dog kinda crush, but she's always been precocious, and i couldn't help but be buoyed by their mutal affection.  we even went to a family contra dance together. i foolishly thought it was forever.

of course it wasn't forever, and while i tried to smooth over the rough edges of whatever slight precipitated the end, it was all for naught.  it's a done deal.  she's moved on.  for what it's worth, it appears it's a mutual split.

but the other day, when i was furiously cleaning her room in a particularly angry and fragile state (see previous post on entropy and baby powder), i saw that she had tossed out an envelope that had once contained several baseball cards, sent by the boy in question early in their infatuation.  the sight of it in the garbage can, the third grade handwriting, the sentiment behind it, brought me to tears.

pedal plow

this beats the pants off my ergonomic snow shovel.

entropy

it is the broken door to the dryer when you decide it would be labor-saving to send your daughter down to get the socks from the dryer herself.

it is the bag of frozen peas which collapses on itself and sends its contents on the kitchen floor not once, but twice.

it is the pair of used skates, purchased for 2.99 at the thrift shop 3 years ago, that had finally come into good use, only to be purloined by someone at public skating hour, while you were trying to find 25 ways to stay busy during february 'vacation.'

it is every book your daughter owns, deposited on a sum total of every square inch of your living space, every day.

it is what makes you say, 'sure,' when five minutes into the electrician's visit your kids ask you if they can do 'an experiment,' and when you brain checks in to what you actually agreed to, you find them behind the closed bathroom door with a mysterious concoction of desitin and fish tank chemicals.

it is the lost ski glove in Target, for god's sake, the cleanest store in the world, that is not in any aisle you traversed, nor in in the lost and found, even though you know you just lost it.

it is the only word you can use to describe the aftermath of two kids, one room, a closed door. and a bottle of baby powder.

it is the computer that f***s with you when you try to synthesize the thoughts that have been rattling about in your brain for the last week.

threat levels

biocontaminants: code yellow.

pestilent life forms: code orange.

chemical hazards: code green.

upon entering the domicile, please report any sore throat symptoms to the nurse on duty, reporting any allergies to medication, especially antibiotics, at that time.  kindly hand over your toothpaste, toothbrush, and dental floss, as well as any other dental appliances.  these shall be returned to you after a run through the sanitization cycle, but only on an as needed basis.  abandoned dental aids will be triple-bagged and sent to the incinerator.

please report any itching of the scalp to the nurse on duty.  surrender any hairbrushes, combs, headbands, pony tail holders, and stuffed animals.  these will be subject to appropriate sanitization procedures, and returned on an as needed basis.  hair checks will be conducted on an erractic enough schedule to ensure the survival of at least one reproducing adult.  therefore, please be prepared to repeat this process in 6-8 weeks.

there are currently no active chemical hazards, so you are free to enter and depart rooms as you please.  however, in the event of an unanticipated release of mercury, you will be asked to vacate the premises immediately until proper mercury cleanup protocol can be accomplished.

your patience is appreciated.

winning the battles. losing the war.

lice.

we successfully avoided them for 8 years.  then in september it started.  the 3rd day of school i found lice on both kids.  so i treated.  and combed.  and washed the sheets.  and banished the stuffed animals.  and combed.  and retreated.  and then we were done.

i initially treated with the over-the-counter formula - fun with neurotoxins! - but after my usual googling i decided that for all forthcoming treatments i would go with the decidedly less toxic nuvo protocol.  it goes like this: wash hair.  dry hair. apply 16 ounces of cetaphil gentle face cleanser to hair.  comb excess cetaphil cleanser out of hair.  blow dry hair.  all in all, it takes about an hour and a half to do maddy, about half that time to do morgan.

then, mid-way through november, maddy reminded me to check her hair, because lice had been recently identified in class again.  and right off the bat i found one.  augh!  so, i treated, and retreated, and combed, and examined.  this time around, not so many, and morgan didn't get it, and by the day before thanksgiving, i declared us yet again, lice free!  i swear, two months ago we were lice free.

tonight, maddy complained of her head itching.  she has a recent scar on her scalp from a bad fall she took (4 staples) so i thought maybe that was it.  but the scar also happens to be where the critters like to hang out most.  i couldn't find any of the critters themselves, but i found one egg, and then another.  at first i thought they were old stragglers from the earlier bouts. but then i found another.  and another.  and you know, where there's smoke....

so tomorrow i am in for it again.  washing, drying, shampooing, combing, blah blah blah.  i'm just praying nobody else gets 'em (so far it hasn't happened, but...knock on wood).

thoughts in no particular order

• green silly putty is hard to get out of bedsheets
• getting green silly putty out of bedsheets is not a productive use of my time
• i did not use WD-40 to get green silly putty out of the bedsheets
• remind me to tell you my patented method of getting silly putty out of bedsheets
• there should be a special place in hell for the makers of green silly putty.
• chocolate croissants are probably not the best way to end an exercise walk
• then again...  mmmmm.  chocolate croissants.
• beer: vacation in a bottle
• if i could skip sleeping for four days, i'm sure i could get all caught up
• should i buy another Tivo?  for the bedroom tv.  which is really small.
• news flash: morgan can dogpaddle, according to his dad.
• according to morgan, morgan cannot dogpaddle.
• i threw my back out in yoga
• yes, that's right, i threw my back out in yoga.  but i recovered by the end of class.
• that was the second time i threw my back out in yoga
• a garlic clove between the cheek and gum can help fend off a tooth ache
• a garlic clove between the cheek and gum can help fend off anybody who comes near you
• a garlic clove between the cheek and gum makes the gum sore
• when i make a sandwich with onions, morgan can smell the onions on my fingers three hours later
• my kids don't understand why i want them to leave me alone after 8 p.m.
• or, my kids don't care that i want them to leave me alone after 8 p.m.
• maddy nagged pestered drove me to within an inch of my sanity begging me to bring her heated thermapaq to her in bed after 8 p.m.
• i threw the thermapaq.  i am not proud.  neither are these folks.